HUH?

Heard on the police scanner tonight whilst I wrote an editorial, proofed pages and such like:

* "Respond to ADDRESS in TOWNNAME for a report of a cow standing in the road."

(Three to five minutes pass.)

* "Request assistance. I've got about 40 to 50 cows in the road."

(Three to five minutes pass.)

* "Respond to DIFFERENT ADDRESS in TOWNNAME I DIDN'T CATCH for a complaint from homeowner. Says his ex has shown up on his front porch. Says she's naked. He alleges she stole several items of food from his freezer."

Umm, what?

First place, it's too cold out tonight to be naked. It's particularly too cold out tonight to be naked carrying an armful of frozen food.

Second place, I'm sure the cases are unrelated -- but past midnight, this is how my mind works: I'm picturing a hapless deputy who's finally gotten the forty-seventh cow onto the shoulder, wipes the sweat from his brow -- and suddenly a nude woman comes running out of the night, laden with VanDeKamp fish sticks and blueberry Eggos, startling the cattle into a stampede.

This is why I shouldn't be at the office past midnight.